Rogue One: A Star Wars Story Recap Raps
The Warp Zone
GENRE
Scrap the crawl, nerf herders
Let's juts hit the ground runnin'
The Empire wants new weaponry
To prove that they ain't stuntin'
Need Le Chiffre to beef up
Their Galactic Evil Game
But they shoulda checked for
British chicks with 3-letter names
That's Jyn, future hero
Void of any real services
'Til she goes to Yavin 4
Finds out what her purpose is
Meets her Han-ny from
Planet Ciudad de Mexico
And the quippy insult comic
Version of 3PO
Off to Jedha
Kick some Stormtrooper bums
Meet a super cute couplе
Who sticks to their guns
Kidnapped and locked up
Exchangе information
With that pilot who endured
That classic squid interrogation
At the hands of an extremist
In terms of acting choices
Pushing the rebellion and
Whatever the hell this voice is
Exposition hologram
Planet goes deep impact
Forest sacrifices 'cause
His agent flubbed the contract
It's kinda cool
Seeing other parts of Star Wars
But this feels like a lesson
From an A.P. Nerd Course
If you were to take
A Star Wars History Class
You'd have to read up on this
If you wanted to pass
A story between stories
Just to fill in some gaps
Still a better prequel
Than we had in the past
Director of Advanced
Weapons Research, Krennic
Wants the Death Star
And a "Story By" credit
The Governor don't give him
No respect, though
But Tarkin's lookin' like an
Extra outta Shrek, yo
Krennic's planet hoppin' and
That's cool or whatever
But Vader's in the house
Nostalgia panties gettin' wetter
Krennic's all "Wahhh"
But here comes the catchphrase
"Be careful not to
Choke on your aspirations."
...cool
Rainy mission
Now the Rogue Squad's procured
With the same chemistry as a
Junior College brochure
Cassie holds back
X-Wing bombs away
Jyn and daddy reunite
Won't need a card
This father's day
Take it to the council where
They all present their cameos
Proceeding with the mission
Met with loud and resounding no's
Squad suits up anyway
'Cause otherwise it's no fun
Board the ship, what's it called??
[Ohhh-Ahhh-Ummm....]
The Royal Star Wars Fams
But hope it doesn't end up
On the Final Star Wars Exam
Ya'll been taking
Some extensive notes
These are tiny details
You don't need to know
'Cause all this really happened
Right before New Hope
Wait, you thought that movie
Could just stand alone?
They got money to make
They got families to feed
So they're forcing facts upon us
That we don't really need
Out to Scarif
The Empire's timeshare
Nervous soldiers gearing up
For warfare
Light it up
Disrupt the tropical calm
It's the Star Wars version
Of Vietnam
Dogfights, 'splosions
Mother effin' A.T.T.'s
"I am one with the Force
And the Force is with me"
Rogue One by one is picked off
As soon as they contribute
Don't care about the humans, man
I coulda used more K2
Jyn and Cassie in the base
On their first date
Extract the Stardust Files
Like a toy at an arcade
Climb the tower, Cap Krennic
Send the files up to space
Sunset on the beach, but
But there's no time to consumate
Feel that nostalgia saber
Rising in your pants
'Cause Vader's taking matters
Into his own hands
It's brutal, saber slicing
Man, it's PG-13 gory
By far the best part
But does nothing for the story
The most stressful file transfer
Rounds out the finale
Hand it off to the
Princess of the Uncanny Valley
Thus concludes this 2 Hour
Footnote in the epic
Remember any of it?
You get points for extra credit
Let's juts hit the ground runnin'
The Empire wants new weaponry
To prove that they ain't stuntin'
Need Le Chiffre to beef up
Their Galactic Evil Game
But they shoulda checked for
British chicks with 3-letter names
That's Jyn, future hero
Void of any real services
'Til she goes to Yavin 4
Finds out what her purpose is
Meets her Han-ny from
Planet Ciudad de Mexico
And the quippy insult comic
Version of 3PO
Off to Jedha
Kick some Stormtrooper bums
Meet a super cute couplе
Who sticks to their guns
Kidnapped and locked up
Exchangе information
With that pilot who endured
That classic squid interrogation
At the hands of an extremist
In terms of acting choices
Pushing the rebellion and
Whatever the hell this voice is
Exposition hologram
Planet goes deep impact
Forest sacrifices 'cause
His agent flubbed the contract
It's kinda cool
Seeing other parts of Star Wars
But this feels like a lesson
From an A.P. Nerd Course
If you were to take
A Star Wars History Class
You'd have to read up on this
If you wanted to pass
A story between stories
Just to fill in some gaps
Still a better prequel
Than we had in the past
Director of Advanced
Weapons Research, Krennic
Wants the Death Star
And a "Story By" credit
The Governor don't give him
No respect, though
But Tarkin's lookin' like an
Extra outta Shrek, yo
Krennic's planet hoppin' and
That's cool or whatever
But Vader's in the house
Nostalgia panties gettin' wetter
Krennic's all "Wahhh"
But here comes the catchphrase
"Be careful not to
Choke on your aspirations."
...cool
Rainy mission
Now the Rogue Squad's procured
With the same chemistry as a
Junior College brochure
Cassie holds back
X-Wing bombs away
Jyn and daddy reunite
Won't need a card
This father's day
Take it to the council where
They all present their cameos
Proceeding with the mission
Met with loud and resounding no's
Squad suits up anyway
'Cause otherwise it's no fun
Board the ship, what's it called??
[Ohhh-Ahhh-Ummm....]
The Royal Star Wars Fams
But hope it doesn't end up
On the Final Star Wars Exam
Ya'll been taking
Some extensive notes
These are tiny details
You don't need to know
'Cause all this really happened
Right before New Hope
Wait, you thought that movie
Could just stand alone?
They got money to make
They got families to feed
So they're forcing facts upon us
That we don't really need
Out to Scarif
The Empire's timeshare
Nervous soldiers gearing up
For warfare
Light it up
Disrupt the tropical calm
It's the Star Wars version
Of Vietnam
Dogfights, 'splosions
Mother effin' A.T.T.'s
"I am one with the Force
And the Force is with me"
Rogue One by one is picked off
As soon as they contribute
Don't care about the humans, man
I coulda used more K2
Jyn and Cassie in the base
On their first date
Extract the Stardust Files
Like a toy at an arcade
Climb the tower, Cap Krennic
Send the files up to space
Sunset on the beach, but
But there's no time to consumate
Feel that nostalgia saber
Rising in your pants
'Cause Vader's taking matters
Into his own hands
It's brutal, saber slicing
Man, it's PG-13 gory
By far the best part
But does nothing for the story
The most stressful file transfer
Rounds out the finale
Hand it off to the
Princess of the Uncanny Valley
Thus concludes this 2 Hour
Footnote in the epic
Remember any of it?
You get points for extra credit
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